I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
