Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
