Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
