I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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