no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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