I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
