didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
