No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
