Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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