we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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