Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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