what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I need a beard to bite.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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