you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
