I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
