There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
