Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
