dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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