Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
