whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think people are normalizing furries
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
