I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
