Your mouth is God's brothel.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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