We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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