that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
