worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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