You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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