Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
