thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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