I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it glows. i had to have it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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