Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
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I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
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She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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