I hate your face
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
