Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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