I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
