"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
