wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
