i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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