please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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