i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
