when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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