He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
