He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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