He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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