It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Let's get the cat blown out
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize