u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
