I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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