I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
