Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
