I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
pray to the hookup gods
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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