u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
worst night to have a conscience
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
