I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
