with your own penis?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
