How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
