hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
