Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
