When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
