My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
