Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
