My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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