That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
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Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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