I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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