I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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