i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
