; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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