yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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