I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
