and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
