I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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