No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
