smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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