I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
