I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
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Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Couch. On fire.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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