everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The power of my boobs compel you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
