4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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