That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And then my night got REAL pukey
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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