The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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