So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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