my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I supernannyed him into submission
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
