you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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