You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
