Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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