420 ftw
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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