weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
